


Broken and Burning

by yhibiki



Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: Angst, Community: kink_bingo, Guilt, M/M, Pederasty, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-19
Updated: 2012-07-19
Packaged: 2017-11-10 07:15:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/463637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yhibiki/pseuds/yhibiki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So much of Koujaku broke when he left Midorijima. He wishes he didn't have this disgusting attraction, this piece of Ryuuhou still stuck in him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken and Burning

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the kink bingo square "ageplay." Goes off a mythical OT3 ending where Aoba hooks up with both Koujaku and Noiz.
> 
> There are brief references to past underage noncon, but nothing explicit.

Koujaku doesn't think about it often. (That's a lie. He thinks about it _all the time_.) But sometimes, his hands start shaking with desire and it's all he can do to light a cigarette and hope the craving goes away.

It usually follows him all day though. Just the faint hint of an innocent face, of an undeveloped body, and his cock starts swelling. He's made it a policy to only take clients over eighteen, because having his hands on somebody too young would break his self-control.

(He used to throw himself to the willing clients, all the women with wide eyes and fair skin and small chests.)

That's a thing of the past though. He doesn't desire it anymore. He has Aoba, and he has Noiz. They should be enough for him. Especially now that Aoba's hair is short, and he looks so much younger, almost like--

He thinks he has a handle on it though. So what if he sometimes imagines that Aoba is still fifteen. Aoba doesn't have to know, Noiz doesn't have to know. He loves the two of them, and that should be enough.

* * *

His father introduced him to Ryuuhou when he was fourteen. "Ryuuhou is an artist. You'll find his work on the backs of all my men."

Ryuuhou was so much more than an artist.

* * *

He thinks he has it all under control, until the day Aoba pulls him aside and says, "You really should stop fighting with Noiz. He's just nineteen."

Koujaku immediately reaches for a cigarette, hoping that the movement looks natural. This isn't him trying to stave off arousal. This is him, being himself. Cool, calm, collected.

"Tell him to stop acting like a brat," he says on his first exhale, and he's proud that his voice doesn't waver. Nineteen isn't even that young. It's above the age limit he set for himself.

Aoba rolls his eyes. Says, "Don't worry, I will," then gives Koujaku a kiss on the cheek.

Everything's fine.

* * *

Everything's not fine.

He can't stop himself from reaching out for Noiz. The next evening, they're all in bed together and normally it would be him and Noiz concentrating on Aoba, but his hands drift to Noiz's hips and all he can think is that Noiz is eight years younger than him. He trails kisses down Noiz's spine, marvels that he never noticed how smooth his back is despite all the things he's put himself through.

Not like Koujaku, who wears so many scars from when--

That's when he pulls away. Noiz is looking at him strangely, like he _noticed_ that something was different, but it's Aoba who asks, "Is something wrong?"

He wants to shake his head, he wants to continue and pretend that everything is normal, but he can't. Something's itching under his skin now and he's too afraid to let it out. The tattoos on his back are burning.

"I have to go," he says instead, grabs his kimono and doesn't bother with his pants. He rushes out the apartment door with the knot hastily tied, but he just needs to leave before they can catch up. 

He doesn't want to talk about it.

* * *

He hates these nights, when he can't stop himself from remembering.

Ryuuhou's hands on him, washing him, over and over. "Young flesh is the best," he'd say. "Let's keep you pristine for when I finally paint you."

His father telling him to humor Ryuuhou. His mother crying, telling him there was nothing she could do. "Just bear with it. It'll be over soon."

What a joke. So much of him broke when he left Midorijima, and nothing can fix it.

He remembers Ryuuhou praising him for growing hard, and he remembers Ryuuhou forcing him to ejaculate. He remembers all those things, and he knows he hated them, he knows, but now all it does is make arousal wash over him. He pounds the wall of the cheap hotel room, and the resulting pain in his fist reminds him that Noiz would probably have enjoyed the things Ryuuhou did.

Fuck.

He stretches out on the bed and undoes the knot on his sash, then rests his arm across his eyes. He's ashamed that the image flying through his mind is now Noiz spread out on a futon, back bare, his eyes wide with-- not fear. Noiz isn't afraid, because Noiz can't feel pain at all.

A younger, softer Noiz, who maybe grins cheekily at-- at Ryuuhou, fuck, Ryuuhou is the one with a taste for children, _not Koujaku._ Either way, his cock is hardening, and he doesn't resist the urge to start stroking himself.

This is so wrong. He shouldn't be thinking about Noiz like this. But the alternative is thinking of Aoba--and Aoba's young smile, and Aoba's innocent eyes, and Aoba's absolute trust that Koujaku would protect him from everything.

There's nothing but shame inside him when he gets off to that image.

* * *

It shouldn't surprise him when Noiz finds him the next morning. Bastard doesn't even knock, but then, he rarely ever does.

"How did you even find me?" Koujaku is glad he's still under the covers, hiding the evidence of last night.

Noiz shrugs. "I put a tracker in your Coil. In Aoba's too."

"Stalker."

"Wouldn't have to be if you hadn't left." Noiz hesitates for a moment, then adds, "Aoba is worried about you."

Koujaku turns and buries his head in his pillow. "I'm fine."

The mattress shifts under him as Noiz sits down, and as much as he wants to, he doesn't resist Noiz's hand on his shoulder, pushing him flat on his back. They stare at each other, and Koujaku thinks that in this light, Noiz doesn't even look that young. The piercings certainly don't help.

"Is it something you can tell Aoba?"

Koujaku feels his calm expression slipping, overwhelmed as he suddenly is by emotion. For all that he and Noiz bicker, and sometimes compete for Aoba's attention, he really, truly, does like Noiz all by himself too. They have a kinship born of scars, the kind that Aoba thankfully never had to experience. And they both want to protect Aoba from that.

It breaks through his barriers. He knows Aoba wouldn't judge, but he also can't stand to bear the thought of Aoba looking at him differently. But Noiz -- Noiz has seen too many strange things in his life to be bothered by something like this.

He closes his eyes and says, "Sometimes, I... I'm attracted to. To teenagers."

"Sometimes?" He hears Noiz take his shoes off, then feels him stretch out next to him on the bed. "I think you're hot all the time, loser."

The response actually startles a laugh out of Koujaku. He opens his eyes again and peers at Noiz. "Brat. I meant younger. Like fourteen or fifteen."

"Doesn't sound that much younger to me."

"It's wrong. I shouldn't want that."

"I'd definitely have fucked you when I was fifteen."

There's something about the way he says the words that makes Koujaku realize Noiz's life four years ago must have been far from idyllic. A strange sort of protectiveness rises inside him, and he reaches out to pull Noiz into a hug. 

Noiz sidles right up to him, lets his hands roam Koujaku's naked chest, and nips at his jaw. "Yeah, especially with those tattoos of yours. Probably would have asked you where I could get one."

Koujaku groans. He doesn't think anybody deserves the tattoos he has, he would fight tooth and nail to keep anybody from experiencing the same things he went through, but yes, he can picture Noiz being a cheeky brat like that. Not very different from how he is now. 

"I wouldn't do that to you," he says, "I'd have told you that you didn't know what you were asking for. And-- how many piercings did you have back then?"

Noiz seems to consider this; he shifts away a bit and looks at the piercings on the back of his hand. "At least my ears, and I think my eyebrows."

Koujaku leans forward and presses a kiss to Noiz's temple, right next to his eyebrow piercings. "You should treasure your body more," he says, and he isn't sure if he's saying that to current-Noiz or Noiz-at-fifteen.

"What do you know, old man?" Noiz pulls away completely and strips his clothing, somehow coming off as mulish. "You haven't taken care of yours."

Noiz pulls the cover back, to reveal Koujaku's naked, scarred form. "How did it feel when you got those?"

That's fifteen-year-old-Noiz, curious about pain and desperate for some form of attention. They don't usually talk about their respective pasts, but the boundaries they've set up don't apply here. 

Koujaku sits up and runs his hand across Noiz's skin, still relatively free from scars despite it all. He kisses Noiz's shoulder, and answers, "It hurt," when he pulls away. "I'd protect you from that."

There's irony in wanting to protect Noiz from pain, one which doesn't escape either of them, but Noiz's expression still softens. "Why would you even care?" he asks, and his voice suddenly does sound young and vulnerable, and arousal washes through Koujaku.

"Youth is precious. People should-- people should be allowed to enjoy their youths." 

The answer slips out of him without much thought, but he's surprised at how much he really means it. That's another thing that Ryuuhou stole from him: the happy carefree days when Koujaku should have been finding his first girlfriend and stressing about exams and hanging out with his friends. Though his only true friend has always been on Midorijima.

There's an unusual gentleness in Noiz's next touch, and Koujaku finds himself matching it. He doesn't know if it's doing anything at all for Noiz, and he's a little bit scared about how hard his heart is beating in his chest, but it works. 

Noiz is younger than him, but it's all right. Noiz isn't judging him.

* * *

They go to visit Aoba at Heibon a few hours later, and even though Aoba looks at them both suspiciously, he doesn't pry. Koujaku still isn't sure whether he'll ever tell Aoba, but he thinks he could now, if he wanted to.

During Aoba's lunch break, they sit at a local café, and though the short skirts on the high school girls are still tempting--Koujaku rips his eyes away, lights up a cigarette, and focuses his attention back on Noiz. Noiz keeps his usual deadpan expression, but he snorts and shakes his head lightly.

"Maybe I should get a tattoo," Noiz says, which gets Aoba yelling and Koujaku's eyebrow twitching in irritation.

Fucking brat.

But as he watches Noiz steal a kiss from Aoba, all he can do is smile.


End file.
